Excerpt from Manuscript E

Day 107 after I decided to head out:

I'm becoming nostalgic.

There used to be a time, I can remember, when the Mom would always let me eat, whenever I wanted, and I didn't even have to make any noises. Now? Well, sometimes I yell at her for what seems like forever, and you know what she does? PATS ME! What makes her think I want patting? Show me the money, that's what I say. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep; doesn't she KNOW I want picked up? I mean, she wouldn't leave me laying there crying if she knew, would she? Of course not. I'll just have to cry louder, obviously.

And another thing: My mouth hurts, and my tummy too, sometimes. The Grandma gives me this wonderful cooling aparatus for my poor mouth, and I just love it! It's like a really, really cold alternative to the milk orb - if I suck on it long enough, it gives me liquid, and it's soft too! However, it does tend to make my mouth rather chilly, but they seem to know when to take it away.

I have them trained so well.

EGW

Endnote: Here is a picture of my favored cooling method. Feel free to give it a whirl!

Year In Review: A Birthday Post

Well, I'm 21 today. And all that is to me is an affirmation that I am marching further and further into adulthood, no looking back.

I've got the strangest paradigm about aging; I've always wanted to be that next year older, because it somehow seemed more prestigious, as if maybe I'd get more respect if I was 13, 18, or 20. But then I get a little freaked out because hey! You're going to have SO MUCH MORE responsibility if you are that much older. However, the responsibility thing isn't freaking me out as much this year. If all the life milestones that have happened over the last year don't make me infinitely more responsible, then I haven't been paying attention.

So, in chronological order:

May 25th, 2007: I was still at Central. So were Brittney and Charlee and Chris. I had a "Decorate-Your-Own-Bra" Party at our apartment... because it seemed like a good idea at the time. (It still seems like a good idea, to tell you the truth... it was good clean fun!).

June 2007: I was finishing up the school year in fine style. Finals week, I find out I am pregnant. And still got A's on all my finals. This trend didn't last.

July 2007: I realized that all of those little nudges not to sign up for summer school were divine nudges, and I should have taken the hint. With 102 degree weather, no air conditioner, and the most demanding classwork I have ever encountered, all on top of horrible morning sickness, I was going downhill fast. On the upside, however, I was losing tons of weight! At the Family Reunion, I joined in the coup that overthrew the ineffective and tyrannical reign of the Dead and Dying generation (that would be my grandmother and her brothers and sister... *note: they chose that little group moniker for themselves!). My cousin Sam and I are head of the administration. Only the closest of family and Kameron knew about little (tiny!) Elizabeth at this point.

August 2007: Signed up and started classes at Washington State University. I actually enjoyed them much more than I thought. Everyone knew by then.

September 2007: I took my last trip to Central to clear out my apartment. Sad, sad days. I told Dr. Ott that I wouldn't be returning. :-( Very sad. I also joined the PSU Wind Ensemble and Orchestra. More sad days. :-)

October 2007: Juggled. At almost 7 months, I just barely began to show. I was definitely feeling baby kick, and I was also feeling sad nostalgia for Central. But things were progressing.

November 2007: At this point, I decided that juggling all that I was - which included, but was not limited to, full time classes at WSU and playing in two ensembles at PSU, while heavily pregnant - was unwise and not conducive to good mental health. I quit orchestra.

December 2007: I passed my classes, with flying colors, and gained some great rapport with awesome professors (sometimes, that can be even more valuable than the grade). Also, Kam finally asked me to marry him! (Finally... haha! He has always said he would have done it six years ago if he thought he could get away with it). Beautiful day. I also in this month became thoroughly convinced that I was going to have Elizabeth (I think her name then was Grace still, maybe Hannah) early, and began to wake up every day thinking, "Today could be the day!"

Foolish, foolish girl.

January 2008: Still having faith in my early birth, I cancelled my band trip to Eugene on the 26th of this month. Of course, it would be another two weeks before I had her... but I could just imagine the impression I would have made if the tuba blasted a low note and whoop! my water broke. In front of all the college band directors in Oregon. Great. Belinda through me a lovely, lovely baby shower - things started to come home for me a little.

February 2008: My due date came. And went. The first 8 days of February were pure torture. Kam came home to me crying more than once. I tried everything - I spent my due date waking/jogging the two miles around Glendoveer Park. UGH! But, she came! Beautiful Elizabeth came on the 9th, and stole my heart completely. One week after her, I resumed flute lessons, and I think the rest of that month I spent revelling in her and lamenting my poor, flabby stomach.

March 2008: I frantically tried to plan my wedding, something I tried not to stress over too much in the last weeks of my pregnancy. I kept thinking to myself, "Oh, RELAX!! You've got months and months until the date!"

April 2008: "Really, Alli, why all the stress? There's seven weeks to go - you've got plenty of time!

May 1-16, 2008: "OH NO! Get your rear in gear, Cairns, what have you been doing for two months?" Also in the first few weeks of May, I finished my online classes for the term, thereby ending 21 consecutive months of going to school. Sweet relief!

May 17th, 9am - 4:45pm: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

May 17th, 5:07 pm: "Ok, I got myself together, I waiting down here... when is the wedding going to start, it's HOT!"

May 17th, 5:15 pm: "Did they say walk? Are they walking?"

May 17th, 5:16 pm: "I'm walking! There he is! Oh goodness!"

May 17th, 5:30 pm: "Well, that went fast!"

May 18th - May 24th: I have spent the last week or so learning some interesting realities about married life. Like, when are you ever supposed to see your husband? and other things.

May 25th: I spent this birthday baking cookies (good), breaking down on the side of the road (bad), with my baby (double bad), on the I-205 bridge (ok, we get it, Alli!), spending time with newly acquired family (very good).


So, in one year, I have changed schools, moved home, had a baby, got married, moved to another home, staged a coup, and made a bra.

Pretty eventful, wouldn't you say?

A little frazzled... assistance, please?

Good thoughts my way, everyone - it's crunch time.

I feel like I'm in a rubber room full of super-bouncy balls going a million miles an hour in a million different directions, each representing something else I was supposed to remember to do, bring, take back, check on, call on, email, print, fax or pay for. My wonderful man, thank God, rallied tonight for me and helped me get a biggy off of my list: everything for the wedding in one big box. Whew!

If anyone is willing to help with the following things, please let me know: (excluding any new mothers...)

• Making sure the flower girls and Audree are ready the day of. Hair done, faces clean, dresses pressed, bows and jackets on - the whole shebang.
  
• Getting something, anything! to gracefully and aesthetically cover two huge "CAUTION!" signs that are on the bridge. (Marilyn thought that they were incredibly appropriate; they are, however, bright yellow). Any creative ideas are fine with me. They are about 6 feet by 6 inches.
• Being Kelly's faithful and willing assistant with flowers for the bridge and reception. But... check with Kelly first. ;-)
• Picking up the wedding cake and transporting it to the Goldfinch house Saturday afternoon. The necessary bits for this job would be a car and a confidence that you could transport it without messing it
  
• Decorating and setting up for the reception Saturday afternoon. Reference to Denise.
• Setting up chairs for the ceremony. Needed: Strong backs and willing hands of both genders.
• Sweeping the bridge of possible unpleasantness. This would probably best be done by the strong backs and willing hands (with brooms in them) of members of the male gender. But hey, I'm not picky. :-)
• Resuscitating Kameron.
  
• Resuscitating me.

Stay posted, because like I said, there's a million elusive thoughts bouncing around right now; I only caught nine this time.

Calls of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!

Love you all.

And she races to the finish line...

It's the True Confessions of a Frantic Bride hour. Welcome to our show.

My schedule for the next week looks something like:

Sunday:

9:00 am - 10:00: Marriage counseling (to get ourselves together mentally and spiritually before the big day... um.... and big life!)

10:00 - 11:00: Church at Praise Chapel

12:00: Drive to Vancouver to pick up the tan Camry to take the Ellensburg.

12:30: Pick every peony in Annetta's garden - Thank you SO MUCH, Annetta!

2:00 (hopefully): Return to Weidler house and have lunch

2:30-bedtime: Grocery trip, cook and wash laundry for the up-coming week, put everything that needs to go to Sunriver in boxes... and if I'm really honest with myself, that's probably all I'll get done. It's funny how scaled down your grandiose daily plans get when you have an every-increasingly demanding (adorable) baby.

Monday
9:00 - 12:00: Try to figure out how the heck a veil works when you sew it onto the comb! Anyone with tips, PLEASE let me know!!

12:00 -2:00: Run errands. Including, but most likely not limited to, picking up my dress from the cleaners, returning excess veil bits to Fabric Depot, and picking up plates and silver from Linda (another huge thank you to Linda!).

3:00: Lunch. I probably should eat. But I know I can't just sit down and eat, so I'll probably end up eating, tying the red ribbons on the bubble-favors, and make some phone calls. Darn my multi-tasking nature, a blessing and a curse.

4:30: Leave for a hair cut. Hey, I got a coupon!

5:00: Relax and not think about a darn thing.

7:00 - bedtime: Work on the basement-apartment in an attempt to try to move in there by the time we're married.

Tuesday:
Happy day!

8:00: Wake up and feed Elizabeth... and myself, sure. What the heck.

8:45: Leave the Weidler house in glorious anticipation of what awaits me a mere hour away.

9:20: Drop Liza off at Nana's for a good spoiling, and head off for a day of hedonistic enjoyment.

10:00 - 5:00: Have a team of professionals pamper my little fanny off. Bask in the bliss of absolute physical and aesthetic delight. Thank the ever-living Lord that I don't have to go through one more day (for a while) of looking at my disgusting, unkempt eyebrows, split ends, fingernails, toesnails, legs, and... none of your business.

6:00: Pick up Elizabeth a much happier momma

6:30: Return to Weidler house a greatly improved fiance.

9:00: Go to sleep - got to wake up early!

Wednesday:

5:00: Feed Elizabeth and pump one last time. It's probably best I leave empty.

6:00: Hop in the car and make the long trip to Ellensburg.

10:00: Arrive in Ellensburg. Force myself for the sake of my driving record to stay under 20 miles per hour... everywhere...

12:00: Go give Poppa Ott a huge hug and show him my blog! Yay!

1:00: Go back to Brittney's to curl my hair.

2:00: Show up at Dr. Maria Roditaleva-Wibe's class in style...

3:30: Leave Ellensburg with best-friend/bridesmaids. Have a rip-roaring blast for four hours until we get home.

7:30 - bedtime: Cuddle my daughter close and kiss her all over.

Thursday:
8:00: Leave with buddies to go to Lakeshore Montessori.

8:30: Do an instrument demonstration for the kids - it will be so much fun! Between the three of us, we play seven instruments... that's a pretty good show, don't you think?

9:30: Arrive at David's Bridal and pick out a dress for Brittney.

12:00 (if the weather's fair and God wills): Leave for Sunriver.

4:00 - bedtime: Have a much needed, much-delayed girl night. Finally!

Friday:

9:00: Wake up and realize, "OH NO! It's almost time!" In the middle of heart palpitations and cold sweats, feed Elizabeth and have breakfast.

12:00: Rehearsal on the bridge.

2:00: Rehearsal linner (dunch?). I'll eat something heavy to try to crowd out all of the butterflies.

8:00: All-American potluck dinner at Goldfinch 11. Watch the different elements on Kam and my families mingle. Hmmm...


Saturday:

9:00: Have another moment of realization. Change my underwear.

10:00: Run around like a chicken with my head cut off and try to figure out what I need to do that I have already delegated that other people do a week ago. Change my underwear again.

12:30: Head to hair and makeup at Zante's in Bend. Realize that once my hair's up, that's pretty much the point of no return (also, pray that what happened to my soon-to-be sister-in-law doesn't happen to me).

3:00: Return to Sunriver to get into my dress and take some pictures. Pull my Dad together from a puddle of tears and assure him that, yes, I'll always be his little girl and yes, whatever he needs to hear to get in gear!

5:00: March.

6:00: Thank God that is all over, and head for some partying.

8:00 - bedtime: Party!

Bedtime: Watch My Fair Lady with Kam. Oh wouldn't it be loverly...





And that pretty much covers 168 hours. I think I should probably end this little list - it was written pretty much out of nerves, and the better solution was most likely to sleep. I should probably make that my first order of business... while Elizabeth will let me!

Excerpt from Manuscript E

Day 90 after my great escape:

Mom has been talking about a new baby in town.

She and Dad have better not be getting any bright ideas, because, darn it all, I am determined to have my time to shine. My need for constant attention, praise, and general fawning-over has increased since I realized that all I have to do is yelp and the big people come a'runnin. I don't believe, however, that their speaking about a new one for them; from what I can gather, it seems that the lady they call "Auntie Meg" who has that delightful perch for me to sit on when she holds me, has had a baby which they keep calling a "little boy." Unfortunately, I don't know what that means, so I'm going to have to find a way to communicate to the Mom that I want to go and investigate.

After indulging in some deep reflection while I was in my swing tonight, I have come to the conclusion that this could be a good thing. I love the Mom and the Dad, but honestly, they haven't gotten me around anyone else my size yet. The closest person that I have encountered that is even near it is the noisy child at Auntie Meg's that tries to touch me all the time and runs around screaming. I think the best thing for me to do is to teach this child everything I know. It seems a waste that I have gained so much wisdom and have no one to impart to. I realize that it is a large responsibility; I have so much to teach this kid. Where the fist is, for example (reference the Mom's last excerpt), the two keys to rapid weight gain, and the consummate joys of a good toot, just for starters. It's tough being out of the womb - someone should be there to help this poor "boy."

I am up for the challenge.

EGW





End note: The Mara took a picture which, I believe, captures how I feel about the new addition.

I'm an auntie again!

Well, for the first time, really.

Megan had her baby! I'm SO happy for her! And, for the third time in the Wilkinson line, we have a boy and girl about 3 months apart - everyone say thankful prayers for Nolan Louis Vowell, born today, May 9th, at 2:00pm, after a considerable bit of difficulty to his mama! 9 pounds, 10 ounces, 22 inches long! Not a small baby.

I'm so happy. This is the first time I can be proud of a baby born into my immediate family!

More later, hopefully.

Excerpt from Manuscript E

Day 84 outside of the womb:

I'm being tortured.

Recently, the people who hold me, change my diapers, and feed me most often - for all intents and purposes, we will call them "Mom" and "Dad," respectively - have begun to touch me and wiggle me in ways that produce the most exhilarating sensations. In particular, these feelings occur when they wiggle my thighs, my chins, and my ribs. It causes me to make a funny noise, quite against my will, which the big people seem to like very much - they have tended to get big, silly grins and raise their voices to higher pitches in response to my involuntary sonance. They look rather ridiculous, to tell you the truth.

Sometimes the woman with curly hair that the Mom calls "Nana" and the man who can take his eyes on and off that the Dad calls "Grandpa" will also attempt to make me expostulate in this manner; sometimes I can withstand it, sometimes I can't. It seems to me that it is a rather tortuous way to finally get attention from these people.

On a similar note, the Mom keeps mentioning "auditions." I have a horrible premonition that she is going to shape up to be the worst sort of stage mother. Until then, I'll just have to figure out a way to get my infantile hands to open up long enough (and stay out of my mouth long enough) to play Chopin. Who the Mom tells me about all the time.


EGW


Endnote: If you ever need to relax, may I highly recommend the fist-in-mouth method. I mentioned it before, but really, I just can't get enough of it. It's a great substitute for if the milk orb isn't available.

One Month Pictures

I just realized that LizaBeth's one month pictures aren't available to the general public via the internet yet.

So, here goes!

A little scared - so I'll ramble.

It's all coming up really fast. It's a lot like walking down the last three feet of the diving board, and you know that when you get to the end, there's nothing left to do but jump.

And honestly, it's more than a little terrifying.

Life changes, and boy, has it COMPLETELY changed in the last year. Let's see... May 1st, 2007, I believe I was madly preparing for my sophomore recital, studying for theory finals and trying to decide what grad school I was going to start pursuing and in what field. May 1st, 2008, and I'm reading mommy books and trying to plan out my next five years with a husband and joy baby girl in tow.

And beyond that, I haven't really taken the time to develop any good friendships since I've been back - barring my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Meg, but that's not really a day-to-day, meet you for coffee sort of thing anyway, not with seven kids for her and one for me. I'm going to be seeing my old girlfriends at the wedding, coming up very soon, but even that is a little scary, considering that we've all changed so much in the last year... I'm not sure I'm even going to know Charlee anymore, which saddens me quite a lot. Brittney - we've seen each other more, but not often by any means.

I guess this fear is really based out of nostalgia. I've been remembering the "good old days," back at Central, and missing them terribly. Change is quite a scary thing. A great thing about working with kids is you see a bunch of raw emotion, all based on life circumstances, and you realize that what they are feeling is really what most adults feel, but have lost touch with. For example, one little girl in class, whose name is Grace, is going to have a new baby sister in about a week. Normally, she is the sweetest, kindest girl; recently, however, she has been cantankerous and mean to the other students, and prone to cry at the drop of a hat. She will bawl at the smallest provocation, but if I pull her up on my lap and cuddle with her for a while, she'll fold right up and say what she needs: "I want my mama."

She wants her normalcy back. I can totally relate; I almost cried with her today, I was so struck by this childlike, emotional caricature of what I am currently experiencing. Sometimes, I just want to curl up and say, "I want my old life back."

I guess the best thing to do is trust, and believe that in ten years, I wouldn't have had it any other way.