Spoiled?

So for the experienced parents out there who know...

Am I spoiling my child?

Her Dad works night shift, and because there's a dearth of company to cuddle with most evenings, and I get lonely, I let her sleep with me - on a little pad with curves on the side, both so that she can't roll off and so I have some defense to my grandma, who insists that I will roll over and smother her at night (she also worries about me putting her on the curved pad, because she might roll over and smother, and that the cats that live upstairs will somehow find a way down here, locate Elizabeth, and smother her... so, smothering is a big thing with her). It worked out great when she was first born, because it kept me from having to get out of bed, find a chair in the dark, sit in it, put on my nursing pillow, pick her up, get positioned, and feed her. Roll over and go has worked great. But now, at nearly five months, she won't sleep through the night, because I've taken the easy road and just fed her whenever she wanted it... well, her entire life. My laziness has begun to take a toll, because at five months, shouldn't she be sleeping through the night?

The solution is alluding me. I'd love to just put her in her crib and let her cry, but problem: her crib is in the same room that I sleep in. It's not that I'm a softy or anything - I can let her scream when I'm working. I have three younger siblings, all of whom I learned to block out. I just can't sleep when she cries. I can handle being nursed upon much better than I can a screeching baby.

Is she spoiled beyond redemption? I feel like a very bad momma right now. I'm could to continue to rationalize with the "She's teething" excuse for a few more weeks, but I have this gut feeling that I'm just letting her have her way, and I really don't want her to be a spoiled only-child.


DOES DR. DOBSON MAKE HOUSE CALLS?

Excerpt from Manuscript E

Day 126 after my big coming-out party:

Life has become so exhausting.

If it weren't for my habit of constant napping, I would be a total basket case. I mean, the Mom wakes me up at nearly the crack of dawn every day, and then it's go go go for hours and hours! She'll clean, or she'll read in her big book, or she'll move things around - sometimes she even walks and walks outside to get to some place with lots of lights and bunch of stuff in bags and boxes, then walks all the way back, and all the while she's walking I'm stuck in the rough, bouncy chair, where I can never get a good afternoon's sleep.

If it's not one thing, it's another. When she does pay attention to me, do you think it's to fawn over me and feed me constantly? NO! She's always trying to get me to use those things at the end of my legs on the ground - I actually do quite well, as well as the Mom and the Dad. I mean, how complicated could it be, one leg in front of the other? There are times, sure, when I step on my own end-of-legs, but who doesn't? And why bother with it, anyway? I mean, it's much, much easier to just get carried where ever I need to go. I need to be sure to remember to let the Mom know that I would like that arrangement to prevail from now on.

The lady with the curly, messy hair called the "Nana" has been watching me quite a lot lately, too. I like her, because she hardly ever puts me down and she takes me outside all the time. Plus, she never tries to make me use my end-of-legs, and she feeds me whenever I cry. See, now, that's how things should be. I'll leave a memo for the Mom soon.

Until then, please pray that I'll have extra stamina for the tough days I've been having.

EGW

PS: My recent culinary experimentations have been quite exciting. So far I've tried big red things and yellow things. They were both delicious.

PSS: The other baby called Nolan is very interesting. More on him later.

I need a vacation!!

I need to take a break.

I think that is quite possibly the first time that I have ever said that and truly needed one this badly. I've just come off an 18 month stretch of school, plus baby, a job, wedding planning (which took a bigger toll on me than I expected it to) and now moving. It actually makes me miss the days when I all I had to worry about was finding time to do my homework in between classes and however many hours of practicing. At least then I had some sort of social outlet that I could rely on!

But, in perspective, I know I've got it pretty good. I'm taking a brief opportunity to air some complaints, but honestly, I'm so blessed. I have a great husband (yay!), a wonderful baby, health, and ability. What else do I need? :-)

I think what I feel the lack of more than anything is social time, in particular girl time. It was SO good to have my friends out for the wedding - it's almost indescribable how much I miss them. Knowing that I won't be able to see them again for a long time can be really discouraging if I let it be. Also, it's been really hard to try to find a place to find good friends that I can connect with here in Portland. I'm praying about it, and I'm sure that God will let know what I need to do soon; it's just difficult in the interim. I almost envy my sister-in-law, Beth - all of her friends had babies right around the same time that she did, so she had her own mother's group set up for her already!

I'll probably pull myself aside tomorrow and give me a good talking to. "Now listen, Alli, this too shall pass, so get your rear end in gear, stay peaceful and hopeful, and quit moping!"

Until then, I'll laugh at some Anne Taintor things and get some good sleep. And in the words of one of my favorite heroines,

I'll think about that tomorrow.

I leave you with this: