Day 174 after I saw the light:
I met a new baby a few days ago.
My interactions with those of my same approximate size have been limited, to say the least. The Mom and the Dad need to get out more; my social life has been seriously stunted by their shut-in habits. I've met the small child called "Grublet" that the Auntie Meg carries around, and we seem to have a mutually understood relationship. I sometimes look at him, he sometimes looks at me, I sometimes try to eat him, and he's ok with it.
This new kid, however, did not understand this sort of relationship. He was a little bigger than me, and had a lot of dark stuff all over his head. Neither Grublet or I have any stuff, dark or light, on our heads, so immediately I knew this kid was up to no good. He seemed alright at first; we were both sitting on the big people's laps, expressing our needs and (as usual) not receiving near enough attention. They kept blah blah blahing to each other, and spent a ludicrously small amount time, proportionally, fawning over us. Oh well - I'm learning to endure it.
Back to the story. We were both sitting on laps, and for a while I thought that he understood that our limited rapport was going to be the rule, not the exception. I looked at him, he looked at me - a couple times he made noises at me, which was cool with.
How could I have known?
It started out peacefully enough. The big people got up from the table and went to the green area, where they set me on a blanket and proceeded to yell and laugh and generally leave me out. Since this sort of thing happens all the time nowadays, I've learned that, as the Mom sometimes says, "Sister's gotta do it for herself," and I did what I could on the blanket. I've become quite adroit at going from my back to the tummy, and back again, as long as I have a motive. It's usually my pink kitty, or cords on the floor, or whatever is bright colored and close by. I didn't have anything like that available, so I stayed on my tummy and sampled the blanket to see if it tasted as good as the rest of my blankets. Sometimes the Dad would come over and make me tickle, but other than that I was left to my own leisure.
Then it happened. I don't know where the other kid was while I was relaxing on the blanket, but all of a sudden there was the Mom, two ladies, and that kid. At first I was amenable to the idea. Then...
You won't believe this (I certainly didn't at first): the kid could move! I don't mean go from tummy to backside, like normal, respectable little people. I mean, he somehow put his diaper-part up in the air, moved his long, bendy next-to-heads, and came right towards me! I, not having this sort of freakish ability, was completely defenseless. I have never seen anyone, large or small, do that before; I don't know what was wrong with him, but I was terrified.
I was too shocked to do anything but lay there and stare. He came close to me, and although he had a smile on his face, I soon knew that his intentions couldn't possibly be good. I mean, the Grublet and I, we both know what the deal is. If one of us wants to touch the other, it's a quick thing touch, a passing glance of the hand - mostly, of course, because I can't get my hands where I want them to all the time, but the point remains. THIS kid, however... I'll never know how he did it. He didn't try to eat me, which is good (I barely know him, for crying out loud), but he took his little hands and he tried to grab me all over my head! He moved himself so that his head was touching mine on the front part. There I was, nose to nose and slobber to slobber with a kid I'd just met that day, and he was acting like I was his toy!
Now, I'm usually a baby who has herself together. But the way that this kid was coming at me, in conjunction with my complete lack of ability to get away from him, nearly made me pee myself (thank god my rear was covered). I cried out to the Mom, who apparently thought that the whole thing was funny, because she was laughing and "ahh"ing. Finally she got the hint, and my rescue came right in the nick of time. Who knows what that wild boy had in mind for me next?
Since that traumatic event, I have determined that I never want to be defenseless again. I would try moving about like the Mom and the Dad, but seeing as I haven't yet figured out how to pick up my top half, much less balance it on my bottom half, I think I must resort to doing it the way the boy did. So far, not a lot of luck, but if he can do it, by golly, so can I.
Resolutely,
EGW
PS: I can make noises out of my mouth that sound like when I fluff. The end.
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