A little chagrined...

I got convicted.

I went shopping last week - I had just gotten some new students, and I was in desperate need of some new shoes, fast. I found the ones I wanted: Fitflops, brand new thing, great arch support (which I don't think I've ever had in shoes), and supposed to work your legs out while you're walking, but definitely a splurge: $50.

I bought them in spite of the price, and walked out of the store a very proud lady. When I got home I noticed that from walking on some dusty ground, my brand new, white flip flops had gotten dirt on them. Immediately I got a paper towel and cleaned them off, careful to make sure I'd gotten every smudge, and then stood back and looked at them proudly.

Then I looked at the clock. 5 pm and my husband was still not up. Unfortunately, my first response was to get miffed. Hadn't Elizabeth been throwing fits all day, and I'd worked hard, while he got to lay around and sleep all day? Like I was going to let that slide for a minute. Never mind that he had worked hard on night shift and needed as much extra sleep as he could get. My back hurt, the baby was fussy and I was going to let him know it.

I got myself into a pretty good huff, and went downstairs. "Do you want to keep on sleeping?" Innocent words, but my sensitive man got the message loud and clear: "I'm not happy." He woke out of his sleepy haze long enough to ask, "What's wrong?" very nicely before I left the room, planning in my head how I could make him feel guilty for sleeping eight and a half hours instead of eight, when he could have been that spending time with me.

But as I left the room, I took a look at those shoes. Bright white and squeaky clean, they might as well have had this plastered across them:

"Am I more important than your husband?"

I felt that sinking feeling down in the pit of my stomach that I've come to know from doing more than one thing I'm not too proud of. Just as I had finished valuing some shoes by treating them well and keeping them up, I went and slung dirt on my husband's spirit. I'd been selfish and wanted my husband to fix my "bad" day, and I'd shown that material things meant more to me than someone infinitely more valuable.

I waited for Kam to get up, then I threw my arms around him and kissed him. "I love you, honey. Thank you so much for being great."

Of course, this totally threw him; he was still back in the "What's wrong with her?" scene. But I didn't explain. I just figured, I'll change.

And I have, and am.